When this summer stretched out before my husband and I, we were nervous and downright ready to throw in the towel on summer. We got news that cancer had struck our family, not once but twice – in the same house! Sean’s parents were each diagnosed with cancer. Different types, different locations but still cancer. Henry and Deanna are wonderful old-fashioned, live-off-the-land people who have been married for over 50 years. Henry lives in the home that he helped his mother build – he has lived on this land, in this town, all his life. Their focus is on their family and each other. They are giving, social, caring, talented and easy to get along with. I am fortunate to have married into this family for they made me feel welcome from the beginning.
But cancer. Seriously – not one, but both. We hoped for the best but prepared ourselves for the worst case scenario. With Sheila’s help, Sean’s sister, we knew we would all manage this summer but it wouldn’t be the summer that any of us had in mind. And then, Deanna had surgery. And she came through with flying colours!! The doctor was happy with how things went and her recovery has been incredible. Surgery to remove part of her bowel was Monday and she was released on Thursday. Sean and Sheila rallied around their parents to help out where they could, be there and just learn first hand how strong their parents are.
As kids we often take for granted that our parents will always be there. We grow up thinking mom and dad can fix anything. Each parent handles things differently, is part of our lives in a different way and we turn to them when we need to share ideas, good and bad news and just feel the support of someone who loves us and knows us. Our parents are the rock that we learn from, they teach us how to handle good and bad times, they set they example for the attitude we face the world with and they help us establish our priorities.
And as we grow up, so do they. We get older, so do they. And then we realize that they we have to slow our steps down. We need to be gentle when we hug them. The roles begin to reverse and we are shaken. It’s scary but its life. It’s full circle. Our parents have taken care of us all of our lives in some way. From the beginning to today – in some way they still take care of us. They support us with their honesty and offer their help in whatever way they can. They drop what they are doing when we are faced with a tragedy and fill in when we need the help with our own kids. They feed us with our favourite foods and remind us how far we have come. They never stop that no matter how old any of us are. And then the roles reverse. We start giving them rides to appointments, attending doctors appointments with them, sitting in waiting rooms and offering positive encouragement when we see they are nervous. We are their safe place. We become their rock. We work hard to get things accomplished so they won’t have to worry about it. We are good kids because we have great parents.
The summer started out scary, but while we realize our parents are getting older and we fear losing them – we are reminded just how strong they are. Our image of them when we were younger fades and we worry about them. And then they remind us just how strong they are, how capable and how very much they love us. It’s been a good summer, full of love and reminders of what is important.
“Parents aren’t the people you come from. They’re the people you want to be, when you grow up.”
― Jodi Picoult, Handle with Care
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